My Blog

i attended clinic the other day. and i met this lady patient who’s training for london marathon this april. she had just ran 20 miles yesterday. and then i also discovered that mr mitchell (the surgeon i was shadowing) had also ran in london marathon back in the 90’s. later that night during smoothie party, chris told me he had ran 42 miles in 6 hours. 42 long miles!! what’s wrong with these brittish people?! it’s like most of them had either ran or are training for a half-marathon, a marathon, or an ultra-marathon. and yet i’m so proud of myself for having finished a single 10K run last year. now that run seems extremely insignificant,like a child’s play.

of course i would like to say to people one day,"yeah i’ve ran a marathon". or better yet,"i finished that marathon in only 4 hours". or whenever i feel the urge to be smug, "what’s the big deal about running a marathon?i’ve done it many times.."
but the greatest satisfaction of all will have to come from within (not from bragging to people!) i would want to slap myself on the back after finishing a marathon within a respectable time, knowing full well that i’ve shed sweat, blood and tears training for it.

so what’s the action plan?
    "i may stumble and i may fall, but i will keep on running" (pledge to self)
and whether or not i’ll become a marathoner, well, everyone will definitely hear about it if i do!

a week into ssc, i have thoroughly enjoyed myself. i have expected ssc to be more relaxed and that i’ll have more time to chill (since they dont give us a break after the exam), but man how wrong i was. so yeah, ssc time is as tiring as any other time.

a drama as exciting as any scene in er unfolded when i was in theatre the other day for carotid endarterectomy procedure. the way they do it now; the patient is kept awake, having given only local anasthetics, all the time, so that neurological assessment can be made to the conscious patient from time to time. so there he was; poor mr. w, lying on the operation table, being fully aware that the surgeon was cutting his neck, but not feeling a damn thing. at one side of the body, the skin, fascia and fat were cut, the carotid exposed, arteries clamped, and blood trickled down the table. at the other side, the patient was responding to the anaesthetist from time to time. (i even had short conversations with the patient throught the procedure; trying my best to get him to say his account and pin number but to no avail)

but looking at the bright side, at least someone found the whole thing amusing and exciting; me the medical student of course. why? fresh anatomy lesson.

at one point during the operation, as mr egan was putting a temporary shunt to bypass the area of the carotid that is about to be dissected, something went wrong and blood sprayed everywhere. (i am not making this up. it’s carotid after all). standing behind him at that time, i had to duck, just in time to miss the blood splutter. at that unfortunate time, the patient went into ischaemic attack, function of half his body (hemiparesis), due to reduced perfusion to the brain.

what follows then after was a whirl of activities (for them not me). mr egan was shouting to everyone, and everyone else tried to do what were being shouted at them. luckily the attack was only transient, and the patient regained his motor function thenafter.

and at the end the anaesthetist said, "sorry we’ve put you off vascular surgery already". "no, i’m more interested now than ever, to be honest". but now i’m not so sure.
hmm..

1. you can wake up whenever you feel like waking up
2. watch everything there is to watch on tv, even stupid celebrity big brother (seriously?!)
3. read in bed until late, not worrying about being sleepy the next day
4 watch tv until you run out of things to watch
5. leisurely browsing the internet and the webpages that you visit don’t include gp notebook, or emedicine, or bnf, or even wikipedia
6. watch tv until you fall asleep in front of it

so what time is it again? it’s post-exam time..yeayyy!!

come on, i’ve been through so many exams before. so what make this one extra special then? well, firstly, for that past two years, the curriculum has been so lax that i can find time to chill whenever, even in the middle of a busy week. seriously, 3 lectures per week, a dissection that you just need to show up because the anatomy demonstrator was so nice she didnt ask any questions, and pbl meetings that you can just bluff your way through. then all these started. (i make it sound like a nightmare dont i?) i was barely keeping up with all the new changes when the exam came about.

dont get me wrong. far from hating it, i’m actually enjoying it. what is there to hate? after all this is what i’m going to do for the rest of my life, right? (fingers crossed, pass the exams first..) i mean, why the need to dread the exam so much. how many times i spend the time revising in the library, with grey-haired gents and middle age lady doctors with thick books in front of them, studying for their mrcp or frcp or whatever abbreviations they manage to come up with these days. how many times i saw house officer stammered in front of the consultants trying to answer anatomy/physiology/clinical question being asked of them. (at other times, i was the one who stammered). so here’s the hard fact, this process will never stop. studying and being tested, and studying some more and being tested yet again-it’s like a cycle (vicious if you want to call it)

so of course, if i adopt a hatefuloutlook towars exams, i will stress myself out incessantly and might end up having a massive break down(i am exaggerating here, surely it wont come to that maa) so what is the alternative? to love it then. yeahh i’m loving it (sang in an out-of-tune mcD tune) of course it’s hard to start loving the exams per se, bacause them being what they are-unattractive, nerve-wrecking, time consuming and many other negative attributes you want to throw at them.

so the other way around it is to find simple things hidden in the whole process that i can take pleasure in. miniscule things that are of little significance that almost everybody tend to overlook. here’s an example; i look forward to osce because i get free lunch afterwards. the thing ning said he remember most (and i must say i agreed with her) from our last firm is the thornton’s unbelievably delicious toffee biscuit we got to have (and finish them off) when others were busy discussing patients in mdt meeting at the ward. surely enough, when the registrar next to us slip her hands into the now empty biscuit package, she came up empty-handed. or the instances i get to meet anyone who has been to malaysia and chatted about how beautiful my country is. (once there was this lady whose train got hijacked by the communist, back in the 1960’s of course, and i tried my best to convince her it’s safe now). or also when i get to spot the diagnosis after taking history from patient, and hearing the words ‘well done..’ (well there’s also a lot of other less self-boosting remarks but let’s not talk about that..)oh yeah.. i forgot to mention the free lunches from drug reps (it’s just asda, but it’s asda special selection eheh)

sure, these mini-breaks are insignificant time-outs from the busy schedule that dictates my life. it isnt anywhere as thrilling as going out for meal and movies with friends, or as fun as shopping, or as enjoyable as trip to europe or wherever, but if i disregard them, then i’m left with nothing- just a busy schedule. i guess all i’m saying is this; you don’t need to have long breaks and extensive travel plans to have fun, you can have fun whilst you are on the job. and during the rare instances your job tires you out and you start feeling a bit burned, start looking all around you for simple things that will give you pleasure, that will bring laughter and merriment to your eyes, that will give you something to remember the day by. and then you can go back to your job with renewed enthusiasm.

that is the very word of Syeikh Mo, the CEO who made Dubai what it is today; a bustling metropolis of skyscrapers with man-made islands that look like palm trees. how amazing is that? i wish i am in Dubai. i wish i am somewhere else. i wish it is summer now. i wish the exam is already over..

what is the point of this entry? haha i dont know meself..

i guess what i am trying to say is, i am trying to live up to those words everyday. after all, whether or not i’ll pass my exams depend on it! wandering around the wards grabbing at every chance to be taught by anyone. lurking after sho’s and registrars in the cafetaria (whilst they are having lunch) asking for a teaching session (yeah i am a stalker now). hurling questions after questions at anyone who will listen (and answer them).

on most days i get fantastic teaching, meet great people and make friends (and even free cappucino afterwards yeayy)

on not so good days i felt ignored or being in the way of things..

on my lazy days i just have the day off.

and whether or not i’ll become wiser only time will tell…